I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
