I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
