Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
