So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
