theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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