I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
