i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
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