Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
