Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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