u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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