Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Randomize
