areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
