Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize