toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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