how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
