i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
