I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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