So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
