but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
