where does the pee come out of this thing
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
