His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Randomize
