He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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