I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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