By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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