make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
