She's JV to your varsity
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
