do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
