i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Randomize
