Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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