Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
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