I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
