At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
These tits shall not be calmed
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize