We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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