..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
The struggles of a small town man whore
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
