you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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