woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Randomize
