i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I said "one day" and that day is not today
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
