Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
