Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
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