whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
