Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Randomize
