matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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