your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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