god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
