If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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