guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize