I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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