I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Randomize
