ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
