Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
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