The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
i barfeds in our rink
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
