Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
