I'm drive I can fine osifer
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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