Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
