He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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