Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
