I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
