I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Randomize
