I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
