You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
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