It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
