forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
