So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
