end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
