Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
