remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
operation harelip BJ is a go
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
