Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Randomize