he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
