I love black thongs
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
