my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize