Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
