I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
