Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
