im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
