That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
