fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
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