but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
