Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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