what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
