The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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