Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
