After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
