how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Randomize
