I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Too much gin, very little bucket
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
