i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
i love accidental penises.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
