Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
