Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
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