You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
