I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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