he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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