So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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