You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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