I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
