My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
