he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I'm both gender and math confused
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