Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Still dying that you shit outside
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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