I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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