I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
