Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
