My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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