i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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